How to soothe the pain of a life challenge

There is no such thing as an unbearable, unacceptable, or unfair situation; there are only situations. Life is merely a series of situations that, when added together, create our existence.

What sometimes makes life so difficult is our resistance to what is happening. Faced with an accident, an unfavorable diagnosis, end-of-life, or death, it seems natural to resist, to rebel. Anger, despair, and fear arise like reflexes. Yet, this resistance disconnects us from our power and deprives us of the clarity we need to face these moments.

Paradoxically, emotions can sometimes pull us away from their true message, from what they’re actually trying to convey.

It may be that someone you love receives a serious diagnosis. The anger and sadness you feel, while understandable, can rob you of precious moments you could share with them. For while anger screams, “It’s not fair” and sadness cries, an inner revolt takes place and disconnects you from the love that is, in fact, the very source of these emotions.

So, instead of embracing the love that binds you to this person, of loving them even more, you risk missing the opportunity—the gift of the situation. Deep down, each situation is an invitation from life to be lived fully, neither as fair nor as unfair, but simply as it is.

You then have two choices:

• let yourself be swept away by emotions triggered by devastating thoughts, which rob you of the important moments,

or

• Keep control of your emotions by supervising the thoughts that come to mind, and reconnect to the love behind every emotion.

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HERE'S MY SUGGESTION:

• 1 _ Start by writing a love letter to yourself and, if your concern involves someone else, to them as well. 

This gesture will bring deep comfort (perhaps after a few tears) and help raise your level of awareness. Keep this letter close to you. If it’s intended for someone else, you’re not obliged to share it, but you can if you wish. 

2 _ Next, become mindful of every thought that triggers your painful emotions. Your emotions are triggered by sentences in your mind, not by the situations themselves.

• What was the sentence (thought) that triggered this emotion?

I recommend that you take note of these painful thoughts, observe them simply as words, and ask yourself if they really serve you.

• Does this sentence (thought) serve me?

Gradually, you'll regain a sense of calm that will bring you clarity and relief, and reconnect you to the true message of your emotion. 

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IMPORTANT CLARIFICATIONS

1 _ This approach is not an invitation to deny or reject your emotions. Every emotion is legitimate and must be recognized and released.

2 _ “Not resisting” does NOT mean “desiring” the situation. Nor does it mean “liking” the situation. 

“Not resisting” means :

• Making the choice to love and partner with yourself

• Making the choice to fully access love for those affected by this situation

THE CHOICE IS YOURS

With all my affection

Stephanie